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computer jokes!

Customer: Hi, good Morning, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’.
I’ve even placed it physically in front of the monitor, and reoriented CPU to face it, so that they can very well see it, but no! the computer still says he can’t find it..

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Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one…
Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

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Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That mean s the keyboard is not plugged in.

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Customer: I can’t get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.

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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry… Internet Explorer..

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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer,
But every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first email.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?

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This one and the next are our personal favorites!

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: ‘No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.’

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Tech support: ‘Okay Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.
Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager
Customer: I don’t have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: ‘P’….on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

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Trying to post photo in 3 pcs. (by 9.30 am) Already
displayed in Met Engg Deptt N.B

Final DOE Marks Emailed y’day
Adj
SID Ob Marks mst-1 +ve MSTI sub mst ii -ve mst ii +ve MST2 sub MST f sub mst f +ve mst f -ve Ctests TOTAL Total
12301104 7 7 22 25 12 28 58 8 0 5 141 14 127
12303011 4 9 23 2 8 18 36 10 14 10 107.5 107.5
13301105 8 10 18 18 7 7 0 52 52
12303010 6 6 29 14 12 18 20 14 16 10 108 108
11303002 21 14 23 19 10 33 47 8 6 0 142 -14 128
12303009 -3 9 15 1 9 18 27 9 -8 10 75.5 75.5
12203001 18 14 15 6 6 7 22 7 9 10 81 81
12203003 14 12 15 10 10 7 23 7 7 -10 68 68
12203004 5 7 3 15 15 0 24 7 7 0 57.5 57.5
12203005 1 6 4 8 8 1 17 12 10 0 46 4 50
12203006 6 8 11 6 8 5 20 15 11 0 58.5 58.5
12203007 -8 3 10 0 3 1 16 6 6 10 38.5 7 45.5
12203009 11 12 10 3 6 7 24 5 8 0 66.5 66.5
12203011 16 12 7 8 9 1 20 11 8 0 56.5 56.5
12203012 9 9 9 11 13 8 23 4 8 -5 65 65
12203013 13 11 16 8 10 1 25 7 9 -10 64 64
12203014 -9 4 15 15 11 1 22 7 9 -10 51.5 51.5
12202001 8 8 4 10 10 1 20 11 11 0 54 54
12202002 13 11 15 8 8 2 13 10 10 -25 42.5 4 46
12202003 5 5 0 12 12 0 5 9 9 -15 20.5 25 45
12202004 11 9 16 10 10 2 28 17 15 -15 71.5 71.5
12202005 0 8 22 8 8 0 6 8 7 -25 30 15 45
12202007 13 13 8 7 7 2 11 10 10 -10 44 4 49
12202008 13 13 0 5 7 0 8 7 7 -25 16.5 16.5
12202010 14 8 11 10 9 2 29 8 11 0 72 72
12202011 10 11 20 11 13 2 28 8 9 -15 70.5 70.5
12202013 9 9 0 11 11 0 9 14 14 -25 25.5 19 45
12202014 11 12 5 7 7 1 11 8 8 -15 33 12 45
12202015 3 3 15 9 9 2 20 14 14 -15 52.5 52.5
12202016 17 17 24 7 7 1 29 10 10 0 88 88
12202017 11 11 9 9 1 13 7 7 -25 23.5 22 45
12202019 3 3 0 1 11 10 10 -15 14.5 30 45
12201001 8 11 9 12 9 12 21 15 12 0 75.5 75.5
12201002 7 7 2 7 7 4 19 6 6 0 45 5 50
12201003 8 8 13 9 9 6 10 13 11 10 65 65
12201004 16 16 13 8 8 3 38 15 15 -4 90.2 90.2
12201006 14 7 4 17 13 14 21 15 11 2 78.9 78.9
12201007 -5 7 10 9 9 1 26 12 13 10 66.5 66.5
12201010 5 5 11 8 8 2 11 10 10 -10 40 6 46
12201011 -1 10 11 9 9 1 22 4 7 -6 48.8 48.8
12201012 14 14 16 9 7 7 24 13 9 4 82.8 82.8
12201013 8 9 38 14 11 6 29 4 7 4 102.3 102.3
12201014 8 8 14 13 12 15 29 14 11 -5 87.5 87.5
12201015 -2 6 16 8 8 13 24 9 9 15 82.5 82.5
12201016 0 10 14 8 10 8 33 9 9 10 85 85
12201017 9 6 6 11 9 5 23 6 7 3 60.1 60.1
12201018 6 12 11 8 8 2 16 11 11 0 57 57
12201019 6 6 13 5 7 4 14 13 13 39 83.3 83.3
12210001 9 9 14 11 9 26 41 15 11 4 115.8 115.8
12210002 16 11 11 15 14 14 31 11 10 4 97.3 97.3
12210003 11 11 15 10 10 5 20 7 8 4 71.3 71.3
12210004 11 11 29 22 16 22 25 11 9 0 116 116
12210005 6 5 21 17 11 20 31 12 10 4 105.3 105.3
12210006 5 7 6 18 10 20 22 17 13 14 92.8 92.8
12210007 9 9 25 18 10 26 29 10 12 4 116.8 116.8
12210008 13 13 4 17 12 5 26 15 13 4 79.3 79.3
12210009 8 6 12 9 7 12 22 10 10 4 73.8 73.8
12210010 10 10 15 9 6 20 23 12 10 5 90 90
12210011 12 13 10 15 11 22 31 4 8 5 98 98
12210012 14 10 23 20 14 30 21 19 16 0 120.5 120.5
12210013 -3 9 18 14 8 10 19 11 11 4 74.8 74.8
12210014 10 13 14 14 9 13 22 14 11 0 84.5 84.5
12210015 13 12 22 10 8 21 18 23 14 0 101 101
12210016 8 7 9 11 9 9 27 13 13 4 78.3 78.3
12210017 7 7 9 11 9 7 26 16 18 9 82.3 82.3
12210018 10 8 9 13 11 6 15 10 10 4 63.8 63.8
12210019 13 10 15 15 10 22 40 21 17 4 122.8 122.8
11210001 19 15 16 26 17 21 31 24 12 4 127.3 -4 123
11210002 18 12 22 17 13 12 34 15 11 4 113.8 113.8
11210005 15 16 16 20 16 10 25 22 14 5 106 106
11210007 13 13 11 16 6 10 17 28 18 4 87.8 87.8
11210013 15 15 18 25 14 20 40 28 18 6 139.7 -14 126
12201301 -1 6 2 13 12 1 16 19 9 13 57.1 57.1
12201302 5 9 6 28 24 14 14 69.8 69.8
12201303 9 9 5 11 7 0 14 12 10 18 60.6 60.6
12201304 -3 9 2 18 13 1 17 18 11 14 62.8 62.8
12201307 -7 11 4 -8 7 1 15 2 8 15 37 8 45
12201308 -1 12 12 12 10 1 23 16 9 19 78.3 78.3
12201309 8 12 6 0 5 2 7 10 10 15 48 2 50
12201312 3 8 28 15 9 2 17 15 9 12 84.9 84.9
12204001 0 10 12 12 13 15 24 5 9 5 79 79
12204002 2 10 11 11 8 4 20 7 10 14 68.8 68.8
12204003 1 7 6 8 8 6 15 9 9 5 51.5 51.5
12204004 17 12 23 9 11 6 38 5 10 10 106 106
12204005 15 13 5 -7 5 1 16 24 13 5 57 57
12204006 4 9 6 11 11 1 22 16 12 10 67.5 67.5
12204007 17 11 6 10 8 2 17 6 6 9 60.3 60.3
12204008 10 8 15 7 7 2 22 8 10 5 67.5 67.5
12204009 2 3 12 9 9 10 12 15 15 5 64 64
12204010 3 9 16 7 7 3 21 9 9 0 62 62
12204012 -15 3 9 12 10 1 19 8 8 0 42 4 46
12204013 -2 8 14 6 6 7 27 10 10 11 74.7 75
12204014 6 9 11 13 11 18 31 11 10 0 90 90
12204015 6 9 0 3 3 12 17 11 11 5 54 54
12204016 6 12 5 10 13 9 42 10 9 0 86 86
12204017 3 6 10 12 10 1 21 5 10 30 76 76
12204019 20 11 22 9 9 3 21 8 10 0 79.5 79.5
12204020 7 7 17 10 6 29 36 10 10 10 114 114

- Posted on June 3rd, 2013 in Pages, Technical, General, Humour, Computers | 3,912 Views |

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